We count and we count and we count, and really, what do we need to do? Eat balanced meals and snacks and enjoy our food, including treats.
I emailed my dietitian and asked him about difficulties I have been having with structured eating and my anxiety about it and my constant second guessing of caloric intake, portion sizes etc. He responded with the following "If you continually second guess/over analyse the 'plan' (reg. meals & snacks), this emotional tug of war will continue as long as you want to play the game. Like I've said previously, the advantage of having the meals & snacks planned out is that you really don't have to analyse them - we know your energy, protein, vitamin & mineral requirements will be met."
He's right, I need to just eat and by doing so, most my other concerns will take care of themselves. I just have to do my best to ignore my anxiety and stick to my eating plan. Doing so is the only thing that will keep me healthy. I have to keep reminding myself that the ed pretends that it comes out of a pretense of health but really the motivation is one of self destruction, self punishment and attempts to neutralise the anxiety that the ED thoughts bring me.