CHILDREN of ed'd women?

HelloHolly · **Posted:** Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:35 pm

i have been reading <gaining> the truth about life after eating disorders, and i am currently horrified. while i really do enjoy the book, i just read a part stating how much more likely you are to have an ed if you have family histories of depression, anxiety, any kind of substance abuse, and of course, ed's, are at a MUCH greater risk of developing ed's. i already knew this, but there was one part where you are supposed to map out your family tree and then pinpoint where those things occured. my family is RIDDLED with all of those, especially depression and alcoholism...and i am pretty convinced my mom and sister both have some disordered eating, themselves. it just made me think..i have two children.

daughters.

i have two little girls, and they are like, 7893274847392734 times more likely to suffer with this horrible disease simply because of having ME as a mother. their BIOLOGICAL MOTHER is depressed, chronically very anxious, is a recovered alcoholic, and has had an ED for the vast majority of her life.

that doesn't give them the best outlook. :oops:

i am trying VERY hard to shield them from all of it, to tell them how amazingly smart and beautiful they are, to make sure that they know every second of every day that i love them more than ANYTHING, and i always will..i'm just really frightened for them. no, ed's are not genetic...but there is a very strong familial correlation.

part of me feels like if they DO end up having some of these behaviors or indicators, it would be my fault.

what do you guys think?? does anyone have some kind of experience with this that they can share with me? i feel just awful.

Spender · **Joined:** Fri May 02, 2008 1:10 am **Posts:** 8117

Well, actually, there is increasing evidence that there is a biological predisposition for development of eating disorders and that while not all people with a predisposition will develop one, many do. It seems that there is a triggering event of some sort, and the child/teenagers starts to engage in behaviours.

I, too, have two children. I worry about the effect I have had on them. But ask yourself, if one of your children developed bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, would you feel responsible? Yes, I would feel responsible if one of my children developed an ED, even though my family is riddled with EDs, but at some point they have to learn to fly, and until then, you can only do the best you can do at giving them a solid foundation from which to start.

LWap · **Posted:** Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:07 pm

First and foremost, just because there is an increased chance, doesn't mean it is a done deal. So many factors plant the seeds for ED/addiction/mental illness/etc and yeah, you can't control genetics but you can control some of the other factors.

I'm not going to regale you with tales from my childhood of growing up with a BED/bulimic mother but I will be honest that it absolutely played a role in developing an ED of my own. I know you are struggling right now. Maybe keeping this is in mind can be a positive motivation to recover. Feeling guilt about the increased chance isn't going to help your process but knowing that you are doing this hard work to make your life and by extension your families lives better can help.

emunah · **Posted:** Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:16 pm

Genetics just gives you the gun. Environment and experiences pull the trigger.

My mother had BED before it was an ED. She was morbidly obese, suicidal, and depressed when I was very young. Did it affect me? Sure. I learned how to hide and eat and became overly worried about her. She recovered when I was a preteen.

But I didn't get AN (note not BED) until I was 21. A decade after she recovered. Because it was only then that stressors came up that I couldn't deal with. I had crappy genetics from her, maybe some bad coping techniques, and the environment was right.

It isn't her fault. But I have three children, and two are girls. I am very careful to model healthy behaviors, and they are a large part of my motivation.

All you can do is model healthy coping and good self-esteem. And be sure that they know you are always there for them.

And keep a special eye out since they are at risk for mental illness. Not just an ED, but depression, anxiety, etc

emunah · **Posted:** Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:55 pm

I wouldn't treat them differently. I never said to do such a thing. I said it was important to just be aware of the risk.

I think its important to model healthy behavior in all regards, not only with food/eating/body image. Unfortunately, a person with an ED has to be extra aware of their own behaviors. Children are extremely perceptive and they want to be like their parents. A frown while looking at oneself in the mirror, a continued passing on dessert, a scale in the bathroom that is stepped on daily, etc., can all be picked up.

Children of mothers with anorexia are found to be underweight compared to mothers without anorexia. Its a clinical finding. Those mothers are also more 'aware' of what their children are eating and more likely to control it an impose food rules on their children (no junk food, etc).

Its a new research area: adults with eating disorders, and the effects they have on parenting, marriage, work, sex, etc. We're lucky that the focus is no longer on teenagers...because what happens to those teenagers who don't recover? Or those adults who get sick in mid-life?

Just be aware. Encourage health. ALL parents, not just ED parents, should be doing this.

HelloHolly · **Posted:** Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:03 pm

^^emunah, you're right. thanks for putting that so clearly.

and i don't treat my children differently. yes, i worry--but i don't treat them any different. i make sure they know how much they are loved and how special they are..but i don't see that as "different".

i really like the metaphor of the genes are the gun and the environment is the trigger. that makes a lot of sense.

Clara · **Joined:** Wed Jan 30, 2008 5:51 pm **Posts:** 865

That's one more reason to recover!
So that you can give good example and transmit self-esteem and health to your daughters :heart:

Personally I believe that it's more the fact that the ED is unresolved that may cause damage to the children.. I think in the past a lot of people weren't willing to recognize that they had an ED, and kept going with their disordered habits and imposed them on children.. Also so many people who don't have a diagnosed ED have really strict views about food which can harm their children.. So many girls I went to group therapy with had parents who were obsessed with organic food or never allowing candy or junk food in the house. It's all about the values and ideas you transmit to them, I think.. But, of course, if they are naturally predisposed to it, if they see you engaging in ED behaviors they might internalize it and believe it's ok to do that..

I hope what I'm saying helps..?

I think maybe some people project their ED thoughts on their children and try to control the way they eat a little bit more.. Maybe remind yourself not to do this?

Storm. · **Posted:** Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:31 am

This isn't ED, this is depression, but the doctors who diagnosed me said that my mother having recurring clinical depression said that that increased my risk dramatically of developing it, and she felt guilty about that.

But if someone asked me what I'd blame for my depression, I would never say "my mum", I would say the years of rascist bullying I endured, or my extremely low self esteem caused by the bullying. In fact, my mother is probably the main reason I'm alive to type this. If she hadn't been so strong, encouraging, open, welcoming, accepting, and praising, I doubt I would have ever asked for help for the depression.

Agreed with the environment trigger metaphor.

sparrowsgirl · **Posted:** Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:58 pm

Okay, I'll be honest here: growing up with an eating disordered mother contributed HUGELY to my own eating disorder. Don't know if it's genetics or the fact that she forced me onto a diet with her at age 8, or that she was always on a diet and complaining about how she looked, or made me count calories starting at the time she put me on that diet, or what, but it really, really affected me negatively.

I'm not blaming her for my ED. There were so many other factors that contributed to it that it would be ridiculous to blame it all on her. But it did have an impact on me.

lenaah · **Joined:** Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:24 am **Posts:** 49

sparrowsgirl wrote:

Okay, I'll be honest here: growing up with an eating disordered mother contributed HUGELY to my own eating disorder. Don't know if it's genetics or the fact that she forced me onto a diet with her at age 8, or that she was always on a diet and complaining about how she looked, or made me count calories starting at the time she put me on that diet, or what, but it really, really affected me negatively.

I'm not blaming her for my ED. There were so many other factors that contributed to it that it would be ridiculous to blame it all on her. But it did have an impact on me.

I could say the same thing. I learned about diets, calories & laxatives from my mother but, still, I pulled the trigger myself, fully knowing I was doing something wrong.

On the contrary, I learned how to be strong, productive and I feel very loved and supported from her, so.

lenaah · **Joined:** Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:24 am **Posts:** 49

troubadour wrote:

No one in my family has an ED, but my mom has chronic Chrone's/IBS, as does my brother (IBS) and my father seems to have stomach probs as well.

I always found it sort of weird with my mom how the Chrone's made her sort of mimic someone with an eating disorder. When she has a flare up (inflamed intestines cause malabsorption) she typically loses a lot of weight in a short amount of time, can't eat much, has no energy...etc. Then when they put her on the prednisone she can't stop eating, gains a lot of weight, crazy mood swings (cause prednisone is a steroid, of course), and (I know, gross) is always in the bathroom. I grew up with that my whole life--my mother attached to a bed or a toilet. Funny looking back, but who knows if it is related...I know I ate a lot as a kid, but that phase was around the same time as puberty. I've never really attributed my problems with eating to her. If anything, I attributed them to exposure to a friend with an eating disorder right before a really traumatic period in my life.

I know a friend of a friend (a guy) whose mother had anorexia and I think is still in recovery, and he is perfectly fine (AKA, an exception to the "the child(ren) of an eating disordered parent are necessarily going to be eating disordered).

So yeah...the Chrone's thing with my mom is a lot different, but it's the one way I could relate the topic personally. But with the eating disordered parent thing, I wonder what else contributes to the likelihood of the kid become sick themselves? Like, for example, are these studies looking at whether eating disordered parents are still sick or are now mostly healthy or how far in recovery? Do they look at different traits (e.g. purging vs restricting vs overeating vs laxative use vs combinations of the above? Do they look at how body distorted the parent is? How much diet talk they engage in around others/the child? How controlling the parent is? Whether the parent has a comorbid personality or mood disorder? Man, look at all those other things that could be coming into play...

calls for some more research, huh?

I think, for example, that my other may have contributed on how I percieved my body as something of extreme importance. On how I MUST be skinny in order to gain acceptance. And, uhm, she engaged on bad eating behaviours such as extreme diets, laxatives and not eating if I knew I had a dinner, basically. Like they are okay (I don't do laxatives as I know they are damaging but with the others, well). I honestly believe she still has lots of problems even if she doesn't aknowledge them as problems but well, is a great step if I recognize them as bad thoughts and stuff.

But let's make clear that I, in no way, blame my mother for my ED. When I started I knew I was doing everything wrong. And I still did.

CathyW · **Joined:** Wed Nov 02, 2011 3:32 pm **Posts:** 5

I'm a mother also and I am doing all that I can to make sure my daughter isn't another statistic. While they are at an increased risk, it isn't a guarantee that they will have an ed. While there are many things beyond our reach that we can't control, we can reduce the risks of ed and every other risk by being proactive and teaching our kids how to be healthy and wise.

CHILDREN of ed'd women?

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