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 Post subject: Radical Acceptance
PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 3:33 pm 
power lies within
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Radical Acceptance is maybe the most valuable skill I have been introduced to in the course of my treatment and recovery. It's a bit hard to get because it's also a bit simple - maybe you even already try to apply a similar process in your thoughts but just don't call it by this name.

Anyway, I'm going to copy out from my "skills training" book the bit on Radical Acceptance, as well as "Willfulness Vs. Willingness", which is a related idea.

Please read it, it's pretty simple, and please use this thread as a place to discuss things you are radically accepting. Examples could be very small, such as radically accepting that you're going to be late (or someone else was late) and there's nothing you can do about it, or you can try to tackle something you're radically accepting on a grander scale, such as the existence of a trauma in your life, or radically accepting your set point, or radically accepting the existence of your eating disorder itself.

If you have any questions, please ask - I'm not an expert, but this is my second time through this course and I do try to practice the skills, especially this one. I find it useful so I might be able to explain how YOU can, if this doesn't!

-----------------------
CRISIS SURVIVAL SKILL: RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

Radical Acceptance is the skill of accepting nonjudgmentally the things you can't change.
You need RADICAL ACCEPTANCE in order to make a change.
We cannot change that which we don't first accept.

ACCEPTANCE is seeing reality for what it is, even if you don't like it.
ACCEPTANCE does NOT mean giving up or giving in.
ACCEPTANCE can be to acknowledge, recognize and endure.
Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE.
ACCEPTANCE turns suffering you can't cope with into pain you can cope with
ACCEPTANCE is the only way out of hell.

Three Myths about Acceptance:

-IF YOU REFUSE TO ACCEPT SOMETHING, IT WILL MAGICALLY CHANGE.

-IF YOU ACCEPT A PAINFUL SITUATION, YOU WILL BE WEAK
(this is my favourite)

-IF YOU ACCEPT YOUR PAINFUL SITUATION, YOU ARE ACCEPTING A LIFE OF PAIN.

-----------------------------------
Accepting Reality Skills: Turning The Mind
What makes it so difficult to Radically Accept?

What is Willfulness?

- Imposing one's will on reality.
- Refusing to tolerate a situation.
- Trying to change or fix a situation that cannot be changed or fixed.
- Refusing to do what is needed.
- Sitting on the sidelines of life and refusing to play.
- It is the "terrible twos" - "No! No! No!" [as if refusing to accept a situation, it will magically change.]

What is WILLINGNESS?

- Accepting what is.
- Responding effectively or appropriately to the current situation.
- Doing what works.
- Doing just what is needed in the current moment. EVEN IF IT SUCKS.

Steps to take when Willfulness holds you back.
1. Notice it.
2. Radically accept it.
3. Turn your mind towards acceptance and willingness.

(TURNING THE MIND has to happen over and over again - you can't "radically accept" that you're sick once and then you never have to struggle with nonacceptance and willfulness again. Turning the mind is just noticing that you've been distracted and turning back again to what you know.)

--------------

Alright. Well, i hope that's helpful - it's hard, I know, to really benefit from the printed word. But anyway.

So, my turn:

I'm going to try to radically accept that I do not have anorexia nervosa. I have bulimia nervosa. Maybe I have, or have had, ED-NOS. But I do not have anorexia. But I don't have to have anorexia to have an illness, and need help. I have to radically accept the eating disorder that I have, and that I need and have a right to help for the eating disorder that I have, otherwise I am stuck.

(Another example: I radically accepted that I lost my job. No point in being so mad or upset that I can't think. I lost my job and now I have to go on EI. Or, I radically accept that I binged yesterday. It does NOT have to affect my day today. Or, I radically accept that I have to be social tonight because it's what I want and avoidance is keeping me sick. See how useful it is?)

Please give it a try! I hope it helps!!!

Make sure to also visit this post at the end of this thread for another beautiful take on Radical Acceptance.

_________________
“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel


Last edited by wickedrache on Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:21 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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I am radically accepting that people aren't going to be mean to me just because I feel like they should be.

I'm working on radically accepting that I don't deserve that.

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"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
--Marianne Williamson

"Failure is a temporary detour and should never become a permanent address."
--Dr. Myles Munroe


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:09 am 
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Quote:
I'm going to try to radically accept that I do not have anorexia nervosa. I have bulimia nervosa. Maybe I have, or have had, ED-NOS. But I do not have anorexia. But I don't have to have anorexia to have an illness, and need help. I have to radically accept the eating disorder that I have, and that I need and have a right to help for the eating disorder that I have, otherwise I am stuck.




I need to accept this, too.

I need to radically accept that this HAS happened and I can't keep pretending it hasn't I need to accept I am bulimic. It doesn't make me a bad person. Just a sick one.

I need to accept that bingeing and purging will NOT solve my problems.

ughhhhh. i need to sleep now

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:29 am 
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YAY DBT! Very good post, Rache.

And to add to it...

Pain + nonacceptance = suffering

Pain + acceptance = pain

Think about it. You can always deal with pain. Suffering is miserable.

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At any given moment you have the power to say: This is NOT how the story is going to end.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 6:14 pm 
power lies within
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I admit, in a weird way, this thread scared me. I am just now getting to really read it. Really put the words as sentences in my head. I know it is something that I too need to work on.

Thank you for posting this Rache, and thank you to the others who have posted.

:heart:

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"What matters is what I do NOW - what the next right thing is and following through with it."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:09 pm 
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yeah it's a scary thread. (Try having to do homework on it! actually, sharing it was partly a way for me to get myself to focus on it for awhile.)

I REALLY need to radically accept that Michele sucks at emails, and that I can't keep setting myself up to feel totally unhinged when i send something, which is asking for something, and then don't get a reply which makes it feel like the ask is just out there, horribly, getting more and more WRONG because if it wasn't wrong she would have replied, it must clearly be unreasonable that i sent it....
NO. she ASKS me to email her. But, she sucks at replying. I have to radically accept that.


....this is hard too because radical acceptance isn't a solution, it's a stance. you have to get to it first before you can know how to be effective. so it doesn't solve the problems, it just allows you to get to a place where you can solve the problem.

maybe i need to radically accept that i need to ask for, and accept, help from people other than Michele during the week.

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“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 3:49 pm 
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I need to accept that I need to gain weight and that recovery will involve weight gain.

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Whispered words of wisdom,
Let it be.

~~ John Lennon


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 12:30 pm 
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I need to radically accept my past.

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At any given moment you have the power to say: This is NOT how the story is going to end.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 11:05 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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I radically accept that this pain is, and that I can and will and need to sit with it instead of acting destructively on it.

I may change my mind 5 minutes from now, but I'm trying.

_________________
"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
--Marianne Williamson

"Failure is a temporary detour and should never become a permanent address."
--Dr. Myles Munroe


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 11:09 pm 
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^ that's what 'turning the mind' is. you have to radically accept over and over.

and this is really good. really hard. thanks for posting this Sara.

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“If I am not for me, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?”
- Rabbi Hillel


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 11:17 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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I think it's the hardest stuff that's most worth doing. The universe doesn't give us any points for doing things that are easy.

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"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
--Marianne Williamson

"Failure is a temporary detour and should never become a permanent address."
--Dr. Myles Munroe


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:20 pm 
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I need to accept that I can say things about how/what I feel without it being an annoyance to others. I need to start saying things instead of assuming that it is unworthy.

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"What matters is what I do NOW - what the next right thing is and following through with it."


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:42 pm 
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I need to accept that for now I need to stop drinking

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"What matters is what I do NOW - what the next right thing is and following through with it."


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 1:10 pm 
orange is a state of mind
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I choose to radically accept that my therapist is going away, and I don't have to like that. It is what it is.

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"There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
--Marianne Williamson

"Failure is a temporary detour and should never become a permanent address."
--Dr. Myles Munroe


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:36 pm 
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I need to accept that my body is my body, and it's gorgeous whatever weight it may be, and it's the only one I will ever have and I have to take care of it.

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"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, [but] it is impossible to find it elsewhere."
- Agnes Repplier


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