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Some notes for those who love someone with an ED
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Author:  Spender [ Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:20 am ]
Post subject:  Some notes for those who love someone with an ED

This is well worth a read, both for those whose loved one is fighting this battle, but also for those with EDs, as something you might want to give to your loved ones to try to explain this war inside your head a bit:

Some notes for those who love someone with an Eating Disorder
By Tabitha Farrar
September 19, 2013

One of my biggest obstacles during my recovery from my 8 year eating disorder/ exercise bulimia was the guilt and self hate associated with the knowledge of the damage that I had done to my family and friends. My desire to help others understand their own eating disorders and to help the parents, friends and families of sufferers is my way of justifying that time that I spent being held hostage to my own disorder. If I can help a parent understand a portion of what they are experiencing then I will.

Here are some notes on my experience, and that may help you understand the actions of a person suffering an ED (please remember that I am reflecting on my own disorder and not all sufferers will have the same experience)

* This is nothing to do with you
* This is nothing to do with the food you offer me not being good enough.
* Pressuring me to eat will make it worse- if I do eat under pressure it is likely that I will punish myself even harder tomorrow. I will run harder, I will starve myself. I will hate myself even more. You cannot watch me all day every day, I will find a way to make it worse if you try and make me eat.
* My head is like the most noisy and chaotic situation you can imagine. I have a million conflicting thoughts a second. It never relents and it never rests. There is not a moment of the day that I am not thinking about my eating disorder. I am exhausted from this. This makes me tired and irritable.
* I am terrified that you might know the extent to which this governs my life, my every decision, my every action. This is why I avoid being with you, talking to to you and letting you get to know me. This is why I push you away.
* I am out of control. If I think that you know this it makes it worse, I cannot admit this to myself. If you try and control me it makes it worse. I am terrified that you will try and control me.
* I am frustrated and angry with myself. If you get frustrated and angry with me it makes it worse. When I lash out at you because you came too close I them feel guilty, my guilt makes it worse.
* Do not question me and ask me why because I do not know why. Do not try and reason with me because my disorder will not be reasonable. Do not think that I have not tried everything possible to reason with it myself because I have.
* I hate what I am doing, I hate that I cannot control this, I hate that I make you cry, if you hate me too it makes it worse.
* When I need to be alone allow me to be alone.
* Social situations involving food are incredibly stressful for me.
* You need to find the correct time to talk to me about it. Any time where food is present is not the right time as I am already in fight or flight mode and cannot think straight. Talk to me about your concerns for me away from the dinner table. Do talk to me.

All you can do is love me. Try not to put pressure on me or smother me. If you love me and show me that I am worthy of loving I might find a way to love myself. This is what you can do for me.

Tabitha Farrar - Yoga Every Darn Day

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