WBB ESSAYS
Why It's Hard to Change
- Willow
I've also learned that it's true what is often said--that those with eating disorders really are very intellectual in a variety of different ways, and we're built mentally different than other people. How many of us have become super close to other anorexic people because they "get us"?
I think that makes it harder though - harder to recover that is. It's easy to maintain behaviours when the other person understands so clearly. Stepping outside the disordered world to make friends with 'normal' people is a real challenge... and one I clearly haven't mastered yet.
Normal people are just SO different. They don't chop their meals into 2cm square bites, they don't have a myriad of scars crisscrossing their body, the don't always question people's loyalty or motives...
I guess I've been embroiled in this... subculture for so long I've forgotten what it's like on the surface. I don't do well as a "regular" friend. I am loyal as a pitbull but easily hurt and confused... and some days I'm so paranoid I can barely leave the house.
All my friends have been sick. All of them. It sounds awful but I want more than that.... I just don't know how to move on from that scared kid who was an accomplice to rape and suicide.
