WBB ESSAYS
Don't Drive Yourself Crazy With Paranoia
- by Hermz
Paranoid?
Paranoia connotates something unrealistic and blown out of proportion in your mind. Being aware of this might not help particularly, but at least it's a start.
There are people who I have NEVER ever spoken to dislike me, even sometimes use a term so strong as hate. And they have never uttered a word to me, nor me to them.
But that's ok.
I used to care, but now I don't see it. Those who love you, love you for you becasue they know you and realise you are amazing. Those who dislike you for no reason, are unworthy of any of your time. They are irrelevant in this game we call life, because they are fluff, excess which is unwanted and unkind. There is NO need for these people, who purposely spend their lives trying to upset people. They harshly throw around dislike and hatred...and this sort of friendship will serve no real purpose to you. They might be wonderful people in someone else's eyes, they might be lovely parts of somebody's life... but they're not a significant part of yours.
You can't please everyone, so don't drive yourself crazy trying.
If a person decides to judge you on purely your appearance, then they are as shallow and vacuous as the twisted lies you feed yourself when you are set to self destruct.
Do not let those people bring you down. You have to learn that YOU love yourself, and so do other people... so those few who don't, don't matter.
Don't be afraid to be human.
We are all only human. People make mistakes. Or rather, we make certain choices which we choose to label as mistakes... I prefer the term 'learning experiences'.
Everything has some sort of knock on effect on something else, like the 'butterfly effect'... and accepting that things won't always be right first time round...well its a big hurdle, but its a great weight off your shoulders when you do.
Nothing is going to be perfect ever. My theory on perfect is that it is a momentary thing, if even that. What I am getting at here is that high expectations are part of an eating disordered person's personality more often than not, and letting go of your eating disorder isn't the only thing you need to do while in recovery. You must let go of the characteristics which allow the eating disorder to thrive, because those characteristics often transfer into new areas. EG. self harm/another type of eating disorder/workaholism/drink/drug addictions...
It's just a perfectionistic personality trait, and while this perfectionism is fantastic in some ways - a wonderful motivator - it can be a hinderance at times.
You have to live for today, to a certain extent. I might lose everything I have ever cared about tomorrow ...but then again I might not. Life is one big unpredictable road, and all you can do is continue walking. Don't stop walking because you are afraid of what is round the next corner. Carry on. It might be a million times bigger and better than you could ever have hoped it would be.
Don't worry about the future so much...because you will miss the 'today'.
- Hermz
