WBB ESSAYS
A Glimpse in the Mirror
- by Tiffany R. Jansen
Pretty today. Face looks thin – have I lost weight? Not even the size of my thighs bothers me. As long as I’m standing up. I don’t bother to look at my stomach.
I will continue not to mind until I go out and see other women. The thin, sometimes undernourished variety: looking at myself through what I think are their eyes. I’ll see a fat person then, and relish in the site.
But not today…
Today I see what my husband sees: Beauty. Soft, feminine curves. That sparkle in my eye and the comfort of my smile.
Gone now are the promises unkept that dull my eyes; the opportunities missed that sit in dark circles under them; the things I could have been but never became in the pain and pressure of pimples-yet-to-come just hiding under the surface of my skin; the lies told heavy in the wrinkles that sometimes, unwanted, grace my forehead; the neglect I have done unto myself that erase the laugh lines around my mouth.
Not today.
Today I see all the potential. Today I see all the accomplishments. Today I see the gift of a new day to start anew. Today I see love. Today I see wonderful. Today I see beauty. Today I want to hold myself close. Take care of myself. Protect myself from me. Today I see what my husband sees. What my mother and my father and my brother and my dog and my friends and all those I touch see. What I realize is what everyone else sees.
“You’re too hard on yourself,” I tell the woman in the mirror.
And she stares back at me, dead in the eye – and I know she believes it.
